Is Period Pain Not Normal? Rethinking our language around health, pain and the wisdom of the cycle
The phrase “period pain” paints a myriad of experiences in one brush stroke. For example, not all period pain is a sign of an underlying condition like endometriosis. Pain is a message, but not a one-size fits all message. Carried on the wind of social media is the battle cry of ‘Period Pain Is Not Normal’. Women’s health advocates use this statement as a clarion call for a necessary rethinking of attitudes towards women’s health and pain. So why, every time that I serve up this statement to my clients, do I feel icky?
Words carry power. As Word Witch Samantha Zipporah says: the way we refer to our bodies & their processes impacts our beliefs & experiences. So today I wonder: Are there limits to how far the headiness of the word ‘normal’ can take us in handling and remolding the deeply individual, potent and embodied experience of menstrual pain, and all menstrual cycle related symptoms at that?
Rethinking “Normal” with Gabor Maté’s Insights
In the book ‘The Myth of Normal’ Gabor Maté explores the complexity of “normal” and questions its usefulness when discussing health and trauma. According to Maté, our definitions of normality are frequently rooted in societal expectations rather than genuine well-being, which can lead to a misunderstanding of health, trauma, and individual experience.
Maté encourages a rethinking of “normal” in these contexts, suggesting that the focus should be on understanding authentic, individual experiences and health needs rather than conforming to potentially harmful social norms. This perspective allows us to recognise that experiences often labeled as “abnormal” may actually be natural responses to stress or trauma, especially within environments that are themselves not conducive to true well-being.
Finding Meaning in Pain
Pain expert Dr Sean Mackey explains that when individuals assign meaning or purpose to their pain, it can dramatically alter their perception and experience of it. Does a person carried deep into their vast ocean of period pain benefit from attending to their experience as an “abnormal” response? Is it possible that the emotional burden of feeling “out of the ordinary” and fearing for one’s health and safety could actually serve to worsen pain?
Period pain may not be ‘normal’ but it is incredibly common. The wisdom that one’s body is in fact having a normal response to an abnormal environment feels more empowering to me. And that’s not to say that pain should be left unattended to. Pain is a message, and normalising it can prevent people from recognising potential underlying health issues and seeking the care they need. How do we create meaning from pain whilst also refusing to suffer?
The Subtle Influence of Media on Health Narratives
In Sharyl Attkisson’s TED Talk on media manipulation, she discusses how the phrase “consult your doctor” is often used by organizations or industries to shape public perception subtly. Attkisson explains that this phrase, while seemingly innocuous and responsible, can actually be used to direct people toward certain products or medical treatments in a way that benefits those funding the message.
Whilst we reside in a culture where the dominant treatment for pain is drugs, rather than looking at the environment causing the pain, does the phrase “period pain is not normal” truly lead us down a path of healing? We need more nuanced ways of talking about our pain, health and our myriad experiences within the womb continuum.
The Complexity of Premenstrual Symptoms
I hear the phrase crossing over into exploration of premenstrual symptoms. I myself have said many times: ‘it’s not normal to experience severe premenstrual lows – you don’t have to feel like this’. Our bar of well-being is often set low, and it’s vital to remind one another that change is possible and suffering is a choice. But when someone turned this phrase on me recently, it made me feel distinctly unseen and misunderstood. Grappling with feelings of numbness, anxiety, fear and a wish to simply disappear in my premenstrual phase is a clear theme of my life so far. I share about this openly because I’m no longer as scared or ashamed of it as I used to be, and I hope to connect with others who go through similar things. Perhaps that is why it felt so jarring to be told that what I experience is ‘not normal’.
An alternative to the normal and abnormal conversation
I lead a very “healthy” life on paper – it’s impossible for us all to agree on what’s healthy but trust me when I say I’ve tried it all to ease my premenstrual symptoms. I have learnt over many years now that the very worst thing I can do is to reject or resist my premenstrual experience. When we understand the menstrual cycle as a natural cycle of life and an initiatory process, we can move from an energy of fixing and stabilising, to one of observing and trusting the cyclical process. Unfortunately in our society we have been taught to fear and resist the decreasing energies represented by the premenstrual phase and thus our knowledge of an essential part of cyclical life processes.
When I allow myself to marinate in the message that I am broken, and essentially wrong for feeling the way I do, I feel disconnected from my capacity for trust and surrender that is ultimately the healing balm. I am beginning to feel that I can really say from a place of authority through both lived experience and professional expertise, that those who experience the unbridled pain of cyclical denial through menstrual pain and premenstrual anguish have the potential to bring the most necessary and deep healing to the planet right now. Simply normalising PMS is not the answer. I believe in the message ‘period pain is not normal’ to a point. But maybe the answers lies in the following exercise:
Imagine a woman is sharing with you about her experience of raw and unbridled emotion or pain. Regard her as in her power as she speaks, rather than disempowered and in need of your help. Do you still tell her that her experience is not normal? How would you respond to her instead?
Reframing Our Approach to Others’ Pain
Worrying about someone else is, as Kelly Brogan says, dumping my unmetabolised fear into their already full lap. When I approach my own or another’s emotions without fear, I notice this clear, restorative and fortifying space in my heart. Here lies a deep respect and reverence for the universal human ability to transform oceanic depths of feeling and pain into diamonds, if only we can bear the tension and heat.
Seek all the support you can get for pain, big emotions and dark times. But hold in your heart also the knowing that change is inevitable, healing is not a destination, and that you are normal for responding to your environment in this way.
